My Emotional day

It has been so long I haven't been so down. I have be happy all the time but today everything just went upside down. It's totally a mess. It's very exhausting to keep the spirit to continue my talent-less art. Today I'm really exhausted. What should I do? No one ever understand me. Today I'm emotional. Things happen in too sudden until I can't accept it. Feel like just wanna end this life.

life = ?

Life is what?

According to the dictionary it means the condition that ditinguishes organisms from inorganic objects and dead organisms, being manifested by growth through metabolism, reproduction and the power of adaption to environment through changes originating internally.

Seriously, I don't really know what it means. GOSH! xD

BTW, for me, life is just a play. Example: after a problem is solved later on other problems is searching for you to solve. just like the play. isn't it?

Actually life is full of joyness. Is just that you want to live joyfully or emo. When i'm smaller i prefer to live like very emo but now i'm trying my best to live joyfully even i have no best friend or real friend around. Having friends that can chit chat with is ok (now) but not when i'm grown up. kekekeke.

LONER

seems like no one view my blog. that's why i said i'm a loner. A loner without friends. no bestie no real friend. One is one and all alone. :(

After all I realize my life is just like a rubbish

My life is just like a rubbish. My friendship is the weirdest. True friend becoming normal friend. Today only I realize. My so-called-ex-best-friend came back today and when my so-called-best-friend which actually not that close dump me when she saw her and chat with her. I'm full of anger and pull my friend to leave the field. seeing their faces really irritates me a lot. I wonder why I have such friend. I have a lot of friends but non of them is a true friend of mine. Even a junior see that i'm kind of angry. she asked me whether is it i'm angry. I answered her nope but actually I AM! Tuesday I'll eat my things as fast as possible and leave them to library. :(

Self confident problem? YUPP. :(

I really have no confident at all.. what should I do? I don't know either. Today only I realized that I don't have any confident. When BM time teacher make us read the poem with melody and I was like "SHIT! Malu-nya" I tried to use Marry U but when I srep out of my place my hand just become so cold because I'm scared. DUHH. As if I'm not scared that won't be Ng Zi Shan. LOL! still teacher want me to try once again on Thursday. :((( Gosh! I don't wanna go school already.

Crushed story

Hmm...let me think back what happen today.

Okay, today is kinda funny because of Cik Azana is in the class if not 2 Heron would be very boring. She tell us about her crushed story. I still remember the first crush of Cik Azana is Kevin Wong when they first met in tuition. ahaha. Then the second is I forgot his name and now he's living near Cik Azana's home with 'his' wife, Cik Azana's friend.

Yesterday went Setiawan for a seafood lunch then went to telok batik. I skin gone dark. I'm wearing short jeans to have a kick to the seawater. haha. Kinda fun and I'm kinda wet too. I'm soaked with the seawater a.k.a salt water in the car for almost an hour.

Today, I have only marched for half an hour. Even though just half an hour it's like so embarrassing shouting the" kiri,kiri,kiri kanan kiri........" without moving the legs. DAMMIT! then it rains after half an hour. ahaha. it rains heavily. Every time cavell activities sure it's cloudy or raining or not sunny. so proud to be a cavell member. :))

Envy rich people?

This question I'll always ask myself. I envy them but not a lot. Imagine as if I'm a rich girl. What would happen? I'll always mad in front of my parents, scold my grandparents,showing off, branded from head to toe, IPhone, IPad, IPod will always the latest I got, over 5 cars at home with all over 100 thousands, indiscipline, arrogant and millions of things. People will envy me and would I be really happy? I'm not rich and so I'm not happy with my life *sometimes*. As if I'm rich I'll be more unhappy with my life. OMO! ANI!!! haha.

24 hours a day is really not enough for me

24 hours is really not enough. Today I don't even have time to rest. 5.60 i Neda wake up and go school. Although, i get to sleep during some period for about 30 minutes but still it's not enough. Presented the KOMSAS (half of it). Later Neda go for art class. It's like so tiring because Imma going to stay at art class for 4 HOURS (dammit) then after art class dismiss will straightly go church and and and I have to take my short short dinner in the car. Honestly, I feel like don't wanna eat but sure I'll starve a lot at church as if i don't eat. sigh...... Can I like sleep through out the day? I mean tomorrow. :L

R@ndom

Seriously, i'm keeping myself more hardworking from one day to another day because i envy those senior who got 10A+ for their SPM so much. I really hope one day i could become like them since i study in Heron.LOL. GOSH! i can't stop playing computer. N when i wanna do my project i left all my stuff in school. i hope the afternoon session girl won't took them back home. :(